These Words shared by A Dad That Helped Us when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader failure to open up between men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."