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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?